Hardships I faced in UPSC interview and the actual failure || Motivation

At times situations and circumstances push you to the verge of failure and even to the extent of changing your fate upside down. The same thing I experienced in the year 2009. It was during the latter half of February when I was eagerly waiting for the results of the UPSC Mains examination, the second important stage of my life ambition. That was my second proper Mains and the previous year I scored low marks in Mains due to which I lost the attempt even after being selected for the personality test.

So this time I was very ambitious to get through the examination and prepared hard for the Mains exam. I was confident enough so that was eagerly awaiting the result. But fate was different and I lost my father which broke my mental strength into billion pieces. I had to move to my native to perform the funeral, and that is when the results were announced. I have cleared the examination but was so blank and was not able to realize anything happening around me. I had to stay back for further rites and I received the call letter for the interview.

Generally, candidates who clear Mains will be provided accommodation for the interview and medical test in the Tamilnadu House, Delhi. As I and Amma reached there we were allotted the same room which was allotted to us when we came the previous year along with my father. As we entered the room we broke out and could not stop crying. Due to my father’s loss already I was not able to prepare for the interview. I thought of preparing at least recent current affairs after reaching Delhi which was also now shattered as we got depressed.

The interview date arrived. I bought a half-white Bengal cotton saree because the previous year I wore churidar because I was not comfortable with saree. This was criticized by many losing that attempt so this time I did not want to take any risk. The problem is neither me nor my mother knew to drape the saree formally. So we requested the neighbor room candidate for help. She draped me the saree neatly and all of a sudden she uttered that I look so good in that saree so that I can keep it even for the next time. In a couple of seconds, she realized for being negative about this attempt and asked for sorry. I and Amma were also shocked and already I started losing hope but we consoled her and left for the interview.

One more hurdle arose was the preponement of my menstrual cycle and I got periods on my interview date. This made me physically weak too. The candidates will be seated in a hall before their turn comes in the interview board. The seat of the chair used to be slightly bent towards the downside and to my bad luck, my saree got stained with blood. I was able to feel it and as I went to check it in the restroom I was completely shocked and did not know to whom to call for help. Within this my turn has arrived I was being searched. A lady staff who mops the building came in rushing taking my name and as I showed the stains she asked me to wait and went back to inform the board about the delay.

She came back to my rescue and cleaned the stains in my saree. She looked like an angel for me. She consoled me and advised not to get nervous but already I lost my hope because already the delay would have created a bad impression. Somehow I managed to enter into the interview board and a simple question was posed on me about Tiruppur which was made a district recently at that time. I was not prepared but this was an easy question for me and I started answering “Tiruppur recently acquired its districthood..” and I was suddenly stopped by an interviewer. He asked me why I am using such high sounding words and asked me to make it simple. He thought I am vomiting a ready-made answer. I was dumbed and could not utter a single word further.

I was so dumb that I could not answer to the easiest of the questions even from my biodata. The hardships I have crossed right from my father’s death until this interview room made me forget my ambition and I simply replied “I do not know sir” for whatever was asked to me. I secured very low marks in the interview and in spite of scoring high marks in the written examination I had to lose the attempt that year too. I was blank and lost for the following years too and it took around five years to come out of the agony. By then my entire attempting span has over and at last, I was not able to fulfill my ambition.

I strongly believed that fate has changed my destiny and blamed the circumstances for my failure. People who listened to my stories too felt sorry about the situations that locked me. But after so many years now I realized that it is not the circumstances but it was my lack of confidence has beaten me. My father brought me up with all courage and positivity so naturally, I should have bounced back from my sorrows and should have fought for my ambition. I myself was more than enough and did not need any support to recover. But I indulged myself in depression and blamed all these hurdles which actually are nothing in front of my optimism. I had all avenues and courage to easily surpass them still losing the clutch of mental stability has made me pay expensively.

Failures are part of budding steps towards success. One who realizes and makes use of opportunities neglecting emotional hurdles will always succeed no matter how hard it is. So situations can never be blamed instead we are responsible for whatever we are. One who ignores opportunities will get ignored by everything. The lesson learned is very late but still worthy. 

Also, read

https://prabharandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2020/06/early-release-of-dasavataram-could-have.html


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